Pour One Out For My Old Phone

After years of faithful service, I have finally retired my Samsung Galaxy S7. The old boy really gave it his all. Whether it was playing Pokemon Go, watching videos, playing music, sending emails, or surfing the web, he did everything.

Alas, recent changes in Australia’s mobile networks have left him adrift, an old relic in a time of newer, shinier things. Let none say that he failed first. Nay! It was the 3G network and 4G protocols that failed him first!

Hold your head up high, my friend. Stand proud. Unbroken and unbowed, loyal to the last, a phone like no other. People will ask if you were a good phone, and I will tell them no. You were the best.

May my new Samsung A35 serve as faithfully as you.

Death before dishonour.

Loyalty without end.

A phone without compare.

May fair winds and following seas be ever at your side, old friend, a legend from your first day until your last.

P. S. I’m not trading in my old S7 or anything. He’s earned a spot on the shelf.